Dit schreef ik vorig jaar toen ik er net een beetje uit klom (liefdesverdriet)
Dit stond op mijn site maar nu niet meer maar heb het wel ergens opgeslagen. Ik ben opgegroied met veel Engelse taal om me heen (voordat het hip werd
)
Daarom is dit in het engels geschreven want ik uit me graag in het Engels.
Dit was na een first heartbreak dus het is misschien niet meer voor iedereen van toepassing
Why breaking your heart may be the best thing ever
Hello! you may be thinking that I’ve gone bonkers or something
when you first read that title. To be honest for a short period in my life I did go nuts and after a while I went back to normal. With one difference, I felt great and realized that I have had a life changing experience that changed me forever... and in a good way! And I would like to share why with you.
I know that some of you reading this will also be thinking that I am right in some way, therefor I would like to explain myself to the first group of people. And at the end I would like to give some tips and kind words to people that are currently where I was.
It doesn't matter why my heart was broken because that is not the point of this blog.
Heartbreak can happen when you lose somebody (human or pet) that was very close to your heart. You lose them because they died or they moved out of your life or you got into an argument and they don't want to see you again and of course there are more situations. All of these cases are devastating. For me it was very confronting because that time reminds me that I can't control everything around me and sometimes shit will happen that I never intended to happen. I think everybody can relate to that in some point of there life.
Heartbreak is followed by a period of grief. And as I found out grief does not only happen when somebody dies but that period of grief also happens when somebody living leaves your life at some point, somebody you loved. I am tempted to tell you which situation hurts the most but that would be unfair because that's my experience and maybe your experience is different. And it would be naive of me to say that one situation hurts you more than another because it is not about common sense but completely about what you feel and how you deal with that.
Grief comes in 5 stages.
Denial: This is a defense-mechanism and off course depending on the situation you might say to yourself (and others) that it's not all that bad. An extreme example are those people that claim that Elvis Presley is still alive and they are pointing at made up facts and are constantly twisting the truth. In other cases people might look for somebody to blame, which brings us to fase 2.
Protest and anger: This is a dangerous fase because you are facing situation over which you have no control. You might be feeling like you are being treated unfair or you just keep asking yourself 'why is this happening to me?' and at this point your heart (feelings) are taking control of you and your mind (Common sense).
It is a good idea to surround yourself with positive people that may not be as emotionally involved in the situation. At this point I discovered how powerful your heart is in the body it is the most powerful organ you have. Have you ever heard that breaking your heart feels like dying? Well spoiler alert... thats exactly what it feels like!! It is terrifying and I remember one night in my bed, my muscles and every organ in my body was hurting like hell and at that moment I thought 'this is it we're done.” Heck I think that actually dying would hurt less. That is why you should always go to your friends and family and you may even need to seek real help to deal with this situation, there is no shame in seeking help. As I said your feelings are very strong and your not thinking straight. That's why you might do very stupid stuff,
Negotiation and fight: depending on the situation this fase takes place in different kind of ways. And to tell you the truth when I looked grief up on the internet (yes I am not making this stuff up, somebody else did and I'm just telling you so don;t shoot the messenger) I recognized myself and thats also when I knew that it will get better and I'm just going through a difficult time in my life. To give an example of negotiation: if somebody is ill they might promise that they at leat will still alive until some event happens. Example of fight can be somebody doing something stupid and violent. In the case of relationships it can lead to stalking a loved one.
Depression: I think we have all been there even without grief I think that this is a state where people start to make very poor and wrong choices in life the 'maybe if some person had more support he would not have become a criminal'kind of choices..
Even though your feelings are strong and might be beyond your control, at the same time you feel nothing, nada, niënte. You go a sort of numb to life and nothing bothers you anymore. You stop caring about stuff and just live from moment to moment, I think this is also a way the body lets you heal a sort of reboot of the system. I remember that at some point I just forgot to brush my teeth for 3 days, I just was not focusing on it.
And after all that comes fase 5: Acceptance
You come back to reality and your mind is also starting to work properly again and you realize that there is nothing you can do to change the situation and so you deal with it as is. Most of the time because it is very important to seek help because there are people that just can't handle it themselves and they really do go nuts. When I meet somebody that doesn't exactly 'fit in' I always try to treat them with respect because who knows what kind of hell they went through, I suggest we all keep this in mind.
Words of comfort
You know some things are not in your control and we are all human of flesh and blood and we make mistakes and in other cases some things are just not in your control. People come and go and they are all going to teach you a valuable lesson in life. And also when you lose your job and that door closes I suggest you see these kinds of moments as an opportunity rather then a punishment. That may seem hard at that time but trust me that it is a better way to look at it.
In my case I learned that it is very important to become my own best friend and to be happy with myself and everything about me. This seems selfish but guess what? Thats ok! This is a whole blog topic on its own.
This why such a event can turn out to be a good thing because you get to change something in your life that you otherwise may have not done. And that is a good thing! What you do with that opportunity is up to you.
I apologize if the title of this blog is misleading to you. I had to grab your attention.
Let me make it up to you by offering some tips to deal with this difficult time.
Tips to cope with grief
1. Seek help
If needed and talk to people you trust.
2. Listen to Music
Music is always something that helped me a lot. Find uplifting music to make you smile but also it is ok to listen to music that is kind of themed to what you are currently feeling because your full of feelings and yes, they need to get out...don't let them sit there Seekbecause it will not be healthy and it will lead to stress. So listen to music! Music is powerful and that's why I also love being a dj because I control the mood of the crowd in that moment!
3. Write
And lastly do what I did here in this blog and write! Write poems and songs and whatever you can think of. I remember that period I was very good at making poems all of a sudden. Sadly I have not saved any. There is a good reason why artists perform very well when they are emotional, it makes you very creative somehow.
5. Don't be to hard on yourself and don't be a victim, be a survivor! (in any case)
As I mentioned earlier: you are human and they make mistakes and do stupid stuff all the time, get up and move on!
6. Focus the good times
Don't fall in the trap of hating somebody or constantly regret the past.
Focus on the fun and positive, but remember the negative. I think this says enough because everything happens for a reason. But don't hate somebody or wish bad stuff because that only effects you while and nobody likes a hater.
7.Welcome to life!
This is not really a tip but I would like to end by congratulating you (up front) if this was the first time you had your heart broken. Your one of the real adults now. Everybody has these experiences and now you had one you can do a better job at relating to somebody who is going through this because everybody goes through this.
I think we all asume that we are grown up when we have sex for the first time... turns out it's breaking your heart the for the first time that really makes you feel alive and grown up because first you 'feel like dying' but in the end you rebirth in a better you!
If can recover like I did and turn this experience into a positive then you will be alright.
And that!
And that is Why breaking your heart can be best thing ever happening to you.
Lastly make sure that you do what makes YOU happy because life is to damn short!
